Okay, the title lies. I'm a whole heck of a lot happier.
Over the past year, I have made a lot of changes in my life, all of them positive. In my time being bullied by someone I cared about last year, I had a big wake up call thanks to her. In my previous blog entry about her, I wrote about how depressed I was. I was in a dangerous place. I had a major eye opener about how done I really was with where my life was headed. I made a TON of great changes.
Cutting my old best friend out of my life again was one of the best decisions I ever made (I never should have been her friend from the beginning). Not because she was crazy, but because I needed to see that it was important that I take care of myself and stop worrying so much about what other people thought of me. That thought, opened my mind to making choices that were good for me.
I began counting my blessings instead of my hardships. I began focusing and nurturing those blessings instead of pushing them away.
The biggest blessing: The Savior. This trial has brought me so much closer to those watching me in Heaven. I am so glad that I was raised in the LDS church. I honestly don't think I'd exist if I wasn't AGAIN blessed enough to have the two best parents in the world. I am so thankful that they raised me right so that I could understand the immense value of this blessing. I was able to let go of my pride and give Him the reigns. I am so much happier because of it. I have so much love for the Savior.
1. Trevin. Trevin is the biggest blessing I have been so blessed to receive. He's been there for me through thick and thin. There are no words on this planet that could ever explain how much I love him and how thankful I am to Heavenly Father for sending me my soul mate so young. Trevin is my best friend. He has seen my dark side and has loved me just the same. His unconditional love has been the most valuable treasure (other than the gospel), that I have ever had. I feel like a pauper who was gifted a precious jewel to keep safe. Trevin, you are my precious jewel. I love you, for all eternity.
2. My family. In-laws and blood. My parents still love me even when I lose my mind. Mom, Dad, I credit 100% of all good things in my life to how you raised me. Because of them, I was taught to work hard, be kind, love EVERYONE, don't judge and be compassionate.
I tell this story all the time, I'm sure those close to me are tired of hearing it, but, whenever I get knocked down, this little moment with my dad has always reminded me to be a better person. I can only wish I could be even a sliver of how awesome my dad is.
On my 15th birthday, I was so excited to go to the mall with my friends and use all my $150 of my birthday money. My mom had told me over and over not to keep my wallet in my back pocket but I never listened. At some point in the day, my wallet got stolen. I was so mad and heartbroken that something like this would happen on MY day. When I got home I told my dad all about it and how mad I was. With gentle eyes and a smile, he said, "Mariah, maybe they needed the money more than you did." Instantly my eyes were opened. It reminded me that we don't know everyone's story and it's up to us to make each others lives a little easier. It reminded me to be more like the Savior in Heaven.
My mom is the kindest person I know. No matter how much crap is thrown at her, she always finds a way to make it work. She always has a smile on her face. She is so selfless, no matter what she is doing, she always makes time for me and my craziness. The awesome thing about my mom is she becomes everyone's mom. She nurtures everyone that comes in through her front door, broken spirited or not. She rocks!
My sisters. They are my best friends. I love how if I want to hang out with someone, I don't have to feel shy about asking them first. My sisters are amazing. I'm so excited to meet my niece (even though every time I stick my head to Meghan's stomach, she kicks me in the head. I've never been so happy to get kicked in the head)! I love you guys. Again, how did I get so lucky?
3. My best friend Amber! She has a tendency to keep me sane. She has always been there for me even when I'm a sucky friend. Amber is the best friend I have ever had. It brings tears to my eyes when I think of how thankful I am for her. She has her own life and STILL makes time for me. She's the only person that joins me when I lose my mind! What better friends than two crazy people? Haha! We've been best friends for years, and she's still not sick of me! Haha! She means the world to me, I'd do anything for her. Love you, girl!
4. My boys! I got Ace from Trevin for Christmas right around when all the crap went down with my crazy ex-bestfriend. He was instantly in tune with me and knew exactly how to make me smile. Almost a year old and he still knows me better than I do. He has also taught Milo the art of loving mommy to death! My boys have been a huge stress reliever and I honestly don't think I would have been able to heal as fast as I have if it weren't for them. They remind me how much fun it is to be happy. I love my boys, all three of them ;) <3.
5. My house. I just love my house, even if it is over 100 years old. It has been so much fun to have our own place. Trevin and I can be our crazy selves and no one can do a darn thing about it! Haha! It has been so fun raising Ace and Milo here, in Pleasant grove, right by BOTH sets of parents.
6. My job! I'm so glad I quit working at the loan center. Working at that horrible place where all they do is rip people off all day was miserable. I love people and every loan I gave I felt so guilty. Every time I ran someone's credit, I prayed they'd be denied so that I wouldn't feel that pang of guilt. Because of that job, I gained over 30 pounds. When I made the decision to leave, I was determined to only apply at places that I KNEW I'd be happy. I prayed every day that I would find that place and I did! I get to be with animals all day! I get to assist in saving lives and making lives human and animal so much better! I have the best boss and coworkers I could ever ask for! I love my job! I love being the office manager! Best office manager position I have ever had! I'd do anything for the people I work with!
7. Good health! Since I left that job, I gave up fast food. I began working out again AND I lost al the weight I gained! It's amazing what happens mentally and physically when you make the choice to be happy. I finally feel happy to be in my skin again. I am almost the weight I was in high school and when I got married!
These are only a few of the many blessings that have helped me transform myself into a better me. I'm so happy I did this. It was just the push I needed to get my life going the way I wanted it to. I sing again, write, and read! Life is beautiful, hard, bitter, fun, loving, forgiving and I love all parts of it!