It's been a while since my last blog post, let me tell you why. WARNING: If you aren't prepared for the blunt truth about bullying, this post may not be for you.
In light of recent events, it became hard to keep up my blog and literally do anything I enjoy all because of bullying. Recently I found a way out of the situation and now that I feel a whole lot better, I am finally ready to do all those things that made me happy, including keeping up with this blog.
So here I go:
(I'm not going to go way into all of what happened, otherwise this post will be SOOOO much longer than what I want it to be.)
I trusted someone, someone I've known almost my entire life. I considered her one of my sisters. When hurtful things were said and done, it hurt but I did what I thought was the right thing and let it roll off my back. I kept my mouth shut because this person played a great act. Here's the thing, a professional bully is someone you'd never suspect. I never suspected that I would ever be treated this way by someone I was so close to. It took multiple offenses, my parents and other family, my husband, my best friend and other close friends to finally realize that this person was not a victim in need of help but, a miserable person that intended to make everyone around her miserable. If there was someone around her that was happy, she insisted on taking it away from them. You name it, she took it and gutted it. Needless to say, she went through a lot of friends.
What It Does:
I attempted to see what was going on and tried ending our friendship but, for some bizarre reason, even though I felt every bone in my body literally scream at me to say no, I forgave and let her back in promising myself I'd be more cautious this time. What hurts the most was the many years and effort I put in to try to make her "better". All I received in turn were lies, hurtful actions and hurtful words.
Growing up I was a very sad kid, I never knew why. Now that I'm older, I realize it's because of all those many things she said and did to me. Not once did I stick up for myself. I was trained not to. The more things would happen, the more depressed I became.
The First Time it Officially Ended: The Beginning of the Light at the End of the Tunnel
Our friendship came to an abrupt end when I had finally had it, or so I thought. I made friends with someone that was popular and she hated this someone, thus a rumor was born. The rumor was about my new friend. I finally was sick and tired of everything and I knew who spread it. I began asking everyone who had heard the rumor who they had heard it from and I tracked it right to the source. I told her I was done being her friend and it was over.
After a week of not talking I expected things to blow over so I could talk to her about it. I began receiving threatening phone calls from her friends and family and so did some of my friends (even my crush at that time was getting phone calls). We received a threatening letter in the mail. I had her "minions" (haha) coming up to me in school saying they would pound my face into the pavement if they ever caught me alone. I couldn't figure it out until I talked to the victim of the rumor and some mutual friends. She had taken the rumor, switched it around and said I had spread that same hurtful rumor about her. Thankfully those friends stuck up for me and the situation dissolved quickly and those "minions" she had ended up apologizing. It was so bad though that we had to do a no contact order at school. That's how ridiculous it got.
I wasn't her only victim. I watched her do this to so many other people she claimed were her "friends". This person was mean. So mean that most people were afraid of her. I even saw crowds split when she walked through the lunchroom. Everyone was afraid of her. So much so that her bullying backfired, turned on her and she ended up transferring out of the school. It was finally over.
I was finally able to relax my shoulder muscles. I began making friends because people saw I wasn't like her. It felt nice to know that I wasn't alone and I made a ton of friends because of it. I love all those friends so much and I am so happy to have so many in my life now.
The depression finally lifted, I was finally moving on. I knew I shouldn't have missed her, but I did. However, as the years passed, the less and less she crossed my mind. Up until recently...
The Final End:
She came back to me a few years later after I had gotten married and apologized. I'm not going to lie, I did miss her because she wasn't always mean. We did have some good times. I decided I wanted to be Christlike and I forgave her and let her back into my life. It was a really dumb move because I though she had grown up, but she played me once again. The bullying started all over again. She was jealous of my close knit group of friends that she began bullying them too! Even though I finally was sticking up for myself and a lot of people had my back, the depression started all over again.
Now, because of situations like that, everyone who knows me, knows I don't take it anymore. So when she'd bully people, I'd tell her to knock it off. She didn't like that so each time she got one of her new "minions" to come after me. It didn't work this time because her web of lies was much more easy to break and everything was forced to end. After some very serious offenses, I contacted the police and the rest was history.
Only this time something was different. I didn't miss her like I had the first time. That hole in my heart had healed. This time I got closure. I realize this time that she is not someone I want in my life. In a way I am thankful that I was able to have this happen so I could learn this lesson. I'm not sad anymore, I'm just done.
What I Learned:
Bullying is like a wound that never heals, especially when you care about the person doing the bullying, Before the wound has a chance to heal, someone takes a knife and cuts it again. It is very serious.
People always say, grow thicker skin. People always say, stick up for yourself. Well, I'm here to tell you first hand, that it is not that easy. Someone that is in an abusive situation doesn't always know it and if the abuser is good, the victim will see the abuser as the victim instead.
Bullying pushes people to their limits. It pushes people into darkness and unless you go through it yourself, you don't realize how much pain it actually can cause. I'm serious people, bullying causes self harm and suicides.
Because of this, I've taught myself to see situations like this. I learned to be compassionate and most importantly, act. If I see someone in a situation like this, I act. If I see someone getting bullied, I speak up. Be compassionate, use tact, and get them out.
So many people just walk away nowadays. No one wants the inconvenience of having to stick up for someone. But truth is, often times just helpful words can save someones life. You never know what's going on in another person's mind and that is why you need to do something. It should never be taken lightly because you never know what a victim of bullying will do when they go home at the end of the day. People are afraid of losing relationships and friendships if they say something so they stay quiet. I would rather lose a friend because I got them out of an abusive situation than watch the aftermath of the abuse. I'd rather know I did something to save their life than find out they've taken their own lives because of the bullying.
Bullying takes many forms none of us have the same feelings so words might hurt someone just as much as getting hit in the face does. If you're being bullied, tell someone. If you see someone get bullied, do something. Bullying will never truly end until we stand together and stop it ourselves.
I am so thankful for my husband, for my parents, my sisters Meghan and Ameliah and my very best friend Amber for always sticking up for me. I'm so thankful for all the times you guys had my back and helped me get out of the situation. Thank you!!